I'm broken.
There's just no way around it.
There are some hurts that I carry. They've affected me and those around me. I'm sorry for that. So now I have two choices; I continue to carry them, trying to hide their negative effects, or I find healing for them.
I've been trying to do the latter. Finding healing seems the better choice but certainly not the easiest.
I do know this. I am no longer going to apologize for being broken. I have learned that I will not find healing in isolation. It is only through interaction and loving, supportive relationships with others that I will find my way through.
I have a friend from the past who will probably at some point email me and question whether I want to share so much that is personal. "It hurts others or my kids or my ministry", whatever it is there is always a reason why I am encouraged to continue hiding the pain. The thing is that I've done that for so long, and it's really not working for me. I'm wearing a mask that says everything is okay. It's not authentic, it's not real.....it's not honest. And the fact is that I am not alone in that pain. It's a common denominator between us.
I think Satan would like us to believe that our brokenness is 'bad'. That others cannot stand to look at it, that God himself judges us for it. That because of it others will not want to come into relationship with us.
I think Satan would love to isolate us from God and from others....
5 comments:
praying for you my friend. oh, and get your butt out here!!! :)
Satan would love nothing more then for you to think that being broken is bad and that you don't deserve to heal (yes I am sorry I realize I am reading this late).
I think you should share what is personal because it helps you to get it out. Being broken may be where God needs you to be right now. Satan doesn't like that. God will be able to put you back together again (something I am still learning).
When we isolate from God or from the body of God Satan wins. When we stop talking to God the enemy smiles. Tell him to f off and leave you alone. You are worth the healing. Whether it means being broken now or heal. It may take time but it will come.
I think it's a matter of balance. There are appropriate times and places for everything - including sharing broken-ness. Public sharing at times is neither beneficial to the sharer, or the hearer. That's simply a reality of life.
We all have to wear masks at times that says everything is ok - that's part of being an adult, like it or not.
We are all broken. The real question is the degree to which we let it consume us. Personally I think there's a great deal of common sense in 'fake it til you make it.'
Lori
I dont think the "fake it til you make it" really applies in this case. One of my favourite sayings is: If I act enthusiastic, I will be enthusiastc. And it works. But its more of a get motivated on a Monday morning when everything is going wrong and its pouring rain outside.
At times as adults we do have to wear masks - but it shouldn't be as a general rule. When the cashier asks you how your day was, they usually aren't looking for you to pour out your heart. But when you are hurting and sharing with your close friends, masking how you are doing is a detriment. I believe we are referred to as "Children of God" versus "Adults of God" because we aren't meant to have it all figured out. We still need Him to put the band-aid on our knee. A wound doesn't heal when you ignore and hide it so it can fester.
Yes we are all broken to some degree. But putting on the masks only leads to it consuming us. And the more you hide, the more it will consume you. There is no you controlling it - it controls you. The only way is to allow healing.
Now I'm not saying go around and be miserable all the time thinking I'm useless and broken and beyond hope. Because then that becomes your mental attitude. Instead its important to recognize where you are at, and then say okay, I need to go up, this is what I need to do/allow and start working towards a goal of healing.
I think that people make such comments to us because they are scared of being touched by our pain and/or they are scared that maybe they have their own pain that they are hiding.
It doesn't make God look bad to be broken. The energy it takes to hide our brokenness could be used for healing.
I'm often comforted by the thought that God understands at a much deeper level exactly why I'm broken. The God of my understanding doesn't judge me for being human.
Hugs to you across the miles today. Thank you for sharing this so honestly.
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