October 06, 2008

Lover


Like a man comes to an altar,
I came into this town,
with the world upon My shoulders
and promises passed down.
When I went into the water,
My Father, He was pleased.
I built it and I'll tear it down
so you will be set free.

Yes, and I found thieves and salesmen
Living in My Father's house.
And I know how they got here,
And I know how to get 'em out.
Well, I'm turning this place over
From floor to balcony.
Then, just like these doves and sheep
Oh, you will be set free.

'Cause I've always been a lover
from before I drew a breath
Oh, and somethings I love easy
And some I love to death.
You see, love's no politician
'Cause it listens carefully
so from those who come,
I can't lose one,
so you will be set free,
Oh, you will be set free.

Go on and take My picture
go on and make me up
Oh, I'll still be your defender
And you'll be My missing son
And I'll send out an army
Just to bring you back to Me.
'Cause regardless of your brother's lies,
Oh, you will be set free.

Because I am My beloved's
And My beloved's mine;
So, you bring all your history,
I'll bring the bread and wine.
Then we'll have us a party
where all the drinks are on Me
And as surely as the rising sun
Oh, you will be set free,
Oh, you will be set free.

I heard this song tonight at a friends house and it seemed an appropriate reminder of the love that Christ showed for us.

October 04, 2008

Healing through Grief

Rachel Naomi Remen, MD.

Every great loss demands that we choose life again. We need to grieve in order to do this. The pain we have not grieved over will always stand between us and life. When we don’t grieve, a part of us becomes caught in the past like Lot’s wife who, because she looked back, was turned into a pillar of salt. Grieving is not about forgetting. Grieving allows us to heal, to remember with love rather than pain. It is a sorting process. One by one you let go of the things that are gone and you mourn for them. One by one you take hold of the things that have become a part of who you are and build again. Disappointment and loss are a part of every life. Many times we can put such things behind us and get on with the rest of our lives. But not everything is amenable to this approach. Some things are too big or too deep to do this, and we will have to leave important parts of ourselves behind if we treat them in this way. These are the places where wisdom begins to grow in us. It begins with suffering that we do not avoid or rationalize or put behind us. It starts with the realization that our loss, whatever it is, has become a part of us and has altered our lives so profoundly that we cannot go back to the way it was before. The important thing about the many strategies we use to shelter ourselves from feeling loss is that none of them leads to healing. Although denial, rationalization, substitution, avoidance, and the like may numb the pain of loss, every one of them hurts us in some far more fundamental ways. None is respectful toward life or toward process. None acknowledges our capacity for finding meaning or wisdom. Pain often marks the place where self-knowledge and growth can happen, much in the same way that fear does. Grieving is the way that loss can heal. Yet many people do not know how to grieve and heal their losses. This makes it hard to find the courage to participate fully in life. At some deep level, it may make us unwilling to be openhearted or present, to become attached or intimate. We trust our bodies to heal because of the gift of a billion years of biological evolution. But how might you live if you did not know that your body could heal?? Would you ride your bike, drive a car, use a knife to cut up your dinner? Or would you never get off the couch? Many people have become emotional couch potatoes because they do not know that they can heal their hearts. Unless we learn to grieve, we may need to live life at a distance in order to protect ourselves from pain. We may not be able to risk having anything that really matters to us or allow ourselves to be touched, to be intimate, to care or be cared about. Untouched, we will suffer anyway. We just will not be transformed by our suffering. Grieving may be one of the most fundamental of life skills. It is the way that the heart can heal from loss and go on to love again and grow wise.

September 25, 2008

Isaiah 61

The Year of the LORD's Favor
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.

5 Aliens will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.

6 And you will be called priests of the LORD,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.

7 Instead of their shame
my people will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
they will rejoice in their inheritance;
and so they will inherit a double portion in their land,
and everlasting joy will be theirs.

8 "For I, the LORD, love justice;
I hate robbery and iniquity.
In my faithfulness I will reward them
and make an everlasting covenant with them.

9 Their descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
that they are a people the LORD has blessed."

10 I delight greatly in the LORD;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

11 For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise
spring up before all nations.

Weathering the Storm

I get daily devotionals from different sources. This was one that was in my box today. From Ron Hutchcraft Ministies.

It was the only kind of day they have at O'Hare Airport - busy. It was August, and I was one of the thousands of passengers there who had plans and schedules, things we had to do, places we had to be. But, as far as I know, none of us made it. Chicago had a record-breaking storm that day - over nine inches of rain. There was massive flooding, in fact so much, that the airport was literally flooded closed. That created an interesting dynamic with no one able to come in or go out. It was sort of like Camp O'Hare all of a sudden. Many of us spent the day trying to find either a way out, or a phone to call out, or a place to spend the night. And it was a few years ago and you weren't talking cell phones. And virtually no one did what he or she had planned to do. Oh no! Our plans didn't go through all because of one storm! The rich, the poor, the powerful, the unknown, the young, the old - it didn't matter. Suddenly your destiny was out of your control. Storms will do that to you.
It's not uncommon for life's hard times to be portrayed in Scripture as storms. And that's appropriate because storms are often situations where you have no control over your outcome. Like all of us upended passengers that day at O'Hare Airport. Maybe like the situation you're in right now: medically, financially, or in your family, your business, maybe your ministry. It's "out-of-control" time. It's storm time.
Our Word for today from the Word of God comes from Nahum 1:3. It's this wonderful anchor verse buried in one of those often-neglected Minor Prophet books in the Old Testament. "The Lord has His way in the whirlwind and the storm." Out of control? Yours, yes. His, no.
Paul experienced that in a dramatic incident recorded in Acts 27. He was being transported from Israel to Rome, by ship and under Roman guard. But their ship was hit by a hurricane-like storm that battered them for two weeks! They had to throw their valuable cargo overboard, much of their equipment, and they didn't see the sun, the moon, or the stars for two weeks! They had no way to navigate, no way to know where they were headed. Paul describes them as just being "carried along." That sense of having no control of where you're going might sound painfully familiar.
Here's the exciting part. When they were finally driven aground, they ended up on the island of Malta. Guess where? Just south of Rome. All the time that they had apparently been out-of-control, there were right on course. So are you.
That's what the prophet meant when he said, "The Lord has His way in the storm." Your situation is out-of-control, but it is in God's control. In fact, God uses these stormy times in powerful ways to show you how much you need Him, how much you can rely on Him, to draw you closer to anchor people in your life, to help you see sin that you would otherwise would never face, to make changes you'd otherwise never consider. And then He brings you safely to your destination.
Maybe the winds in your life are intensifying right now. You can't find the things that you've always navigated by and the flood of your frustration and fear is rising. Listen, everything is under control. If you relax and you let God navigate, you are in for a wonderful surprise when the storm passes. The storm that blew you around so violently was actually blowing you home.

September 24, 2008

today

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Habakkuk 3:17-18
Sometimes it feels like life is the experience of loss upon loss. There are times when losses are all we can see. We are like this farmer taking inventory. The figs, the grapes, the olive crop, and the wheat are all lost.The sheep and the cattle are gone. There is nothing left, and nothing to hope for. In times like this we are in danger of believing that fear and sorrow are our only companions. If the inventory of our lives stopped here, then all would be lost. We would be without hope. But there is more to the story of our lives than our inventoryof losses can ever show. We can return again to the hope that God is bigger than all of the losses of life. No matter how long our inventory of losses may be, we can find in God a peace and hope that reshapes our struggle.The losses do not magically disappear. But, when we turn our hearts toward God, we know again that there is more to our life story than losses. We do not want the bottom line of our life's story to read "this was a person who experienced many losses".
As each day we turn our hearts again to God, we are writing a life story that will end with "though the losses were painful, this was a person who found deep joy in God's love."

Lord, my losses are many.
Help me not to pretend about them.
Help me to grieve, Lord.
But help me as well
to turn my heart toward you.
Even as I grieve, help me to find
joy in you.
Amen.

September 18, 2008

a journey of the heart

I'm at the beginning of a journey of healing and wholeness. God tells us in scripture to 'Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.' (Prov 4:23) My heart has been wounded for a long time and it is time for me to draw away from some things and draw back to the Lord. To find healing in His presence.

This is what the LORD says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
"I am the LORD your God,
who teaches you what is best for you,
who directs you in the way you should go.
Isaiah 48:17


I'd given up, lost hope that I would ever have in this life my hearts desire. John Eldredge talks about it as sacrificing our hearts on the altar of getting by. I have not been happy for quite some time. I didn't recognize the danger of that until quite recently. I don't like the person that I am becoming as a result. 'Hope deferred makes the heart sick.' (Prov. 13:12)

To desire something and not to have it - is this not the source of nearly all our pain and sorrow?

A week ago I was priveleged to be able to go to a retreat on an island between the mainland and Vancouver Island. There was a moment, sitting on the balcony overlooking the sound that it was so quiet I could hear the rush of wind through the wings of the crow flying overhead. Eldredge says there are moments that we wish would last forever and moments that we wish had never begun. There have been too many of the latter in my life. Hearing the stillness and experiencing His presence there I knew I needed to change my life, to hope once again. I knew that only through Him could I get there.

Today in church Greg talked about how God may take us to a place that is uncomfortable for us in order to do His will in us. That His ways are often paradoxical to what we might imagine them to be. He may need to break us, in order that we may be built up again. Am I willing to be broken?

But God promises;

The ransomed of the LORD will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
and sorrow and sighing will flee away.
Isaiah 51:11

and,
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy,
He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him.
Psalms 126:


There is no dishonor in being broken. I've been surprised in how good God has been to me, providing me with my needs, sending support through unexpected places. I don't know how long this journey will be or where I will end up, but I do know now, without a doubt, that God is with me. Even in my brokeness. There is joy in the sorrow as I know that the sorrow is doing His work in me.

I can find hope in that.

September 15, 2008

A New Song

I visited a friends blog this evening only to find this song playing. It hit a place with me right now. I looked up the words to share with you.

Take my heart, I Lay it down
At the feet of you whose crowned
Take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it up to You who’s throned

And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You Lord

Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delights, be my everything

And It’s just you and me here now
Only you and me here now

You should see the view
When it’s only You


Thank you Mandy.

September 09, 2008

Beautiful Christian Sister

by Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin,'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.
When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!
Pretty is as Pretty does... but beautiful is just plain beautiful!

Philippians 3:12-14

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

September 08, 2008

Thoughts on Thailand.

The children at our orphanage in Thailand are all Lahu children from the northern villages. In this society they are considered the lowest class. When it comes time to find jobs they will be the last option for hiring, employers will hire unskilled strangers before they will hire a Lahu person. Because of this it is important that we train our children not only a trade but how to run a business so that they need not be dependent on working for others. Right now they are learning business through rice.

Starting with renting the fields, they have purchased rice seedlings, planted and are expecting their first harvest in about 2 months. With the proceeds from that they will pay a portion to the owner of the field, purchase more seedlings and fertilizer, give away a portion to some other orphanages (their own choice) and keep the rest to feed themselves. This is just the beginning of some of the business learning they will do.

We have been teaching the children about the love that God has for them, that to Him they are beloved and valued for who they are, who He has made them. Most of the children have come to know Jesus as a personal savior. In spite of their circumstances most of the children are happy, and that makes me proud of the work that New Heights is doing in Thailand. It has been a humbling experience to see how they live but an encouragement to get to know them.
I've been procrastinating on writing about my experiences in Thailand. In some ways I am still processing all that I saw and learned there. I am having a difficult time moving back into the groove of my Canadian lifestyle. Just as with my Costa Rica trips, I have left a part of me behind. I'm not the type of person to remain unaffected by what I have seen. Physically the trip took a lot out of me, I'm reminded that I'm not as young as I once was. Emotionally unprepared in many ways, I am dealing with the fallout of my life as it was before the trip. Spiritually God met me there and showed me many things that I was not able to see here at home. Things that will be tough for me to process and make my reality. He has been and will continue to be faithful to me in ways that are unimaginable to me.

For now you can find Greg's pictures of our trip at our church website.

btw, We went with the kids a few evenings to help them in the rice fields, which is something that I was terrified to do because of snakes. But with much prayer and a son that stuck close by me, I did it.