What I didn't say.

In preparation for the start of a new year I went through last years posts and decided to show you some of the things that I didn't publish. I hope to be more open in 2008.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. -- Aristotle

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson



Friendship is one of the greatest gifts a human being can receive. It is a bond beyond common goals, common interests, or common histories. It is a bond stronger than sexual union can create, deeper than a shared fate can solidify, and even more intimate than the bonds of marriage or community. Friendship is being with the other in joy and sorrow, even when we cannot increase the joy or decrease the sorrow. It is a unity of souls that gives nobility and sincerity to love. Friendship makes all of life shine brightly. Blessed are those who lay down their lives for their friends.

Henri Nouwen




I attend church not to grow in my faith, but to worship corporately with other believers. Like the stepping stones that are in my header, they stand at different points in their own walk with God.
There was a time when I was so disillusioned with the body of Christ, the real church, that I didn't want to attend services any longer. I dropped all my responsibilities there, in preparation for a total leave taking. I couldn't do it, because the fact is that those Sunday morning services are not 'the church'. The people are the church. God called me to the one thing that was His priority for me; worship, public worship. So obediently, and in spite of my inability, I found myself in the one place I had never been comfortable being, on stage with the band singing the praises of the God who I felt had left me in sorrow. It was all that I had left to give, I was so emptied out. He wanted my sorrow too.

Tell me how much you know of the suffering of your fellow men, and I will tell you how much you have loved them.
Helmut Thielicke

When trouble comes your soul to try
You love the friend who just stands by.
Perhaps there's nothing he can do;
The thing is strictly up to you,
For there are troubles all your own,
And paths the soul must tread alone;
Times when love can't smooth the road,
Nor friendship lift the heavy load.
But just to feel you have a friend,
Who will stand by until the end;
Whose sympathy through all endures,
Whose warm handclasp is always yours,
It helps somehow to pull you through
Although there's nothing he can do;
And so with fervent heart we cry,
"God bless the friend who just stands by"

I sleep, but my heart is awake; It is the voice of my beloved! He knocks, saying, "Open for me, my sister, my love, My dove, my perfect one ..." Song of Solomon 5:2 (NKJV)

I had a dream about my friend last night. I remember feeling that here she was and I could finally have a conversation with her about why. But she went into the hospital in Kelowna and I lost track of her as I am no longer familiar with that place. I was carrying a bunch of things that belonged to her, (although I have nothing of hers).

So I met with my friend for coffee and we laughed and talked, and confessed and forgave. Much like any other time. I left with a sense of peace and a touch of sadness. It wasn't until sunday morning when I woke up that the depth of that sadness hit me in full. I snuggled up to my husband and told him I was sad. I cried and he prayed, he's very good at doing that when I am unable to.
I hate being sad about it all still. Really I don't spend that much time thinking about it anymore, and anyone who knows me well knows that I laugh a lot and have a ton of joy in my life. Maybe I'm one of those personalities that feels the highs and lows and everything in between to greater intensity. I don't know.
I've been thinking about decisions, about how they can bring us together as believers or how they can divide us.

- a rabbit blew up in my living room...no wait, that's all the cottonwood that has floated in the back door. It's trying to plant itself in my floors.

It's bad when you fail morally. It's worse when you don't
repent. -- Luis Palau