At the wedding I was at this weekend my dear friend Darlene sang this song while the register was signed. I was struck by a truth that has somehow evaded me recently. I have to admit that the body of Christ has not been that beautiful in my eyes. I have been discouraged by comments made by believers who are, granted, notorious for inflammatory sermons and blogs. Those in my own community have hurt and been hurt in return. Attempts at reconciliation have been met with rebuff, or worse yet a sort of pseudo forgiveness that takes and does not return. It has seemed to me that love for each other has been put on the back burner in the pursuit of...what, I don't know. I feel as a parent must when two of her children are fighting; torn between the two sides, whether one is right or wrong, parents still love their children.
Last night at study we took another look at the parable of the prodigal son. I occurred to me that I've seen more lately that resembles the older brothers response than that of the Father's. If there had been love present, he would have gone in and rejoiced with his father and brother, but instead he lingered outside of the party, unable to celebrate, concerned only with his own perspective. It troubles me. I have been unable to celebrate too, at times. Feeling the hurt that his miss-perception had given him.
I had decided a while ago that I would no longer blog. I felt that I wasn't expressing my self well, that some might feel I was judging them. I didn't have the words any longer. The whole thing seemed pointless and my original desire to share was no longer an option. (I know, I've felt this way before.) It surprised me that I was still getting hits from the Emerging/Missional Chick Bloggers link that Brother Maynard (I'm Sushi) had posted years ago. I haven't felt free to speak on it for some time. I didn't want to feud in the first place and now it had become too troubling for me.
Looking around the room at the wedding was a testimony to the possibilities that true love can bring. Not just the love of a man and a woman, but of friends and co-workers in ministry, of God for us. I have to admit that I had to pause and close my eyes, taking a deep breath to still tears that threatened. The Father gave me a quick glimpse of the community of heaven, filled with the broken and wounded, those with one thing in common. They have put away their pride and admitted their sinfulness, they have returned to the Father's House. Conviction pierced me as I recognized that I had often despised his bride, the church.
I am an idealist. I'm not sure if that comes from being naive or from being a visionary. I know that we have a long way to go before we can obtain what the Father has in store for us. I believe that it will be different than we have imagined it, I think it will be much more beautiful. It will come out of the desire to return to love and the willingness to sacrifice something of myself before I get there. To lay aside my pride. I hope that the church, his bride will be as beautiful, if not more, than the bride I saw on Saturday.
Congratulations Liz and Morgan. May your journey together take you to places you could only imagine, and may your love only grow stronger with time.
5 comments:
what a beautiful song! I could close my eyes and just picture Darlene singing it. I bet it was lovely! Beautiful bride and handsome groom as well!!
You know how I feel when you decided to no longer blog. YOU may feel that you weren't or aren't expressing yourself well and that some were judging you but that may not be what other's felt. Other's may have felt the pain you felt, the words you wrote may have hit home for others. It may not have seemed right to you but for someone else it was. If people feel judged then they can turn away and not read. You are an amazing writer and I have always enjoyed your blog. I may not comment all the time but most times I just don't know what to say. Like this blog here. I get what you are saying but I have nothing enlightening to say. However I see how right your words are. Keep writing. There are us out there that feel your words strike within.
"I have to admit that the body of Christ has not been that beautiful in my eyes." I think it hasn't been too beautiful in many eyes. Maybe we can somehow all change that.
Oh Sue, I am so happy to "hear" your voice again. I missed it. You've given more for this already busy brain to think on. I admit that just very very recently I have been beginning to feel community again, the community that has felt elusive for far too long. I'm cautiously looking around for my place in it.
great blog sushi!
yes, good to hear from you again.
-wow, you expressed exactly how I have been feeling about the church. I appreciate your perspective - thanks for the insight
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