God,

I'm here today to share this walk with you., There is so much that I feel, that I can't sort out. There's is no one but you who understands, who can help me come to some sort of a peace within.

Rejection hurts. But you know that.

Is that the reason that I need to feel it too? To be able to share it with you?

Do you want to know my pain? Or do you want me to share in yours?

the sun is hot on my back, shssh, shssh, shssh...the rythm of the leaves, ankle deep around my steps

I see your hand at work around me. Bringing healing, restitution, reconciliation. It brings me joy Lord. There is much to celebrate, and I do. You are worthy of all my praise.

there is a seagull who circles above me, calling out...for who? i don't know...

I woke up in tears yesterday. But you know that, you were with me. I miss my friend. You know that too.

'Every tear I cry, you hold in your hands. My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth. Though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm.'

You remind me of your presence. You care about my tears, though I hide them from others. They are tired of hearing about sorrow. You are listening. I am not so quick to move on, to 'get over it'.

i come to the place in the path...a choice to go up and back, or to continue on. most turn back, i can tell by the crushed leaves. i go on, where the path narrows and the leaves are still whole. a few turns and i find a bench, a place to rest in the sun. the dog is confused, we've never stopped before.

I've always been an encourager Lord. So often I have given support. Years of encouragement and support have meant nothing. I've stayed true, and the truth often goes against where others would like to go. I can't go down that path Lord. You've led me down this path. But it hurts to be excluded Lord. Ah, you know that too. I am where you want me to be, and you will be with me.

there is an eagle sitting on one of the tree branches far above me. i call the dog to me, she is small enough for the bird to grab. if she is close to me, the bird will stay back...
the eagle is alone. he is beautiful as he stretches his wings and soars low over the river....but he flies alone.

This narrow part of the path, where others have not thought to go is beautiful, raw and untouched. Every curve a new delight of the senses. You lead me down the path of righteousness for your names sake. You had warned me that I would go alone. So often I give my heart to those who share this path, so when they choose another path and I have to go on, it hurts. There is a voice in me that says it is because I am too much. Too intense, too idealistic, to blunt, too ugly, too fat, too bitchy....too everything and anything whether realistic or not. I have to ignore that voice.

I need the courage to walk alone. The courage to be used, the courage to be discarded... The willingness to continue to love in the face of rejection. You called me to love.

the river runs slowly by, going on, moving to other places. kissing the shore and dancing off. a train sounds in the distance and i slow my pace knowing that when I come to the tracks i will be unable to pass over until it has gone by. i can wait there, or go slower now.

'no one loves me like you, no one loves me the way that you do.'

To be a reflection of you is to love like you. Lord give me the patience, when I long for reconciliation, to be patient for that day...That day...when all of creation, who waits and groans for you, will be reconciled to you. To live in this life, all the while having this deep longing for what your love brings to each of us...to me.

the breeze lifts the hair on the back of my neck, cooling the places where the heat has touched and left its mark...a kiss, a caress. gentle and soft...

Thank you for your touch Lord, for your love in spite of my failings...my inadequacy. Help me to be true to you in all my ways. Heal the hurt that has set its mark so deep inside my heart.
Give me the gentleness of spirit that you show so often to me.