Daily I get a devotional from a christian recovery ministry. This was one that I received a while ago. I saved it because it spoke to me where I am at today.
No more lying then. Everyone must tell the truth to his fellow believers because we are all members together in the body of Christ. Ephesians 4:25
Honesty is essential to recovery. Honesty is essential to intimacy. But honesty is not easy. We were not created to be isolated, independent creatures. We were created to be interdependent. We need each other. And in order for us to be helped by others and to be helpful to others, we need to practice honesty. That means we must learn how to talk to each other about our thoughts and our feelings and our needs. We must learn to talk about our struggles and failures,about our dreams and our successes. Honesty is the soil in which intimate relationships grow. It creates the possibility of being known and loved for who we really are. But it is also full of risks. If we tell the truth about ourselves, people may not listen.They may not want to know. They may not understand. They may judge and reject.They may dislike us. They may give us simple answers to unanswerable questions.They may repeat what we have said to others. We hesitate to be honest because we have experienced these things in the past. Our feelings may have been minimized. Our thoughts may have been devalued. Our reality may have been denied. But in order to grow healthy relationships,in order to heal and recover, we need to begin to take risks. Learning honesty will be a process for us. It will not come quickly. But as we practice the disciplines of honesty we gradually become more secure in telling the truth.
I am tired of lying, when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
But I am afraid of honesty, Lord.
It's not as easy as it sounds.
Help me to pursue honesty today.
Help me to be honest with you.
Help me to be honest with myself.
Help me to build a community of faith
where honesty is the norm.
Build in me a capacity for truth.
Amen.
Copyright 1991 Dale and Juanita Ryan
You know how they always say there are two ways to lie to someone. First by not telling the truth and second by not saying anything at all. The sin of omission. Not saying what needs to be said. We have all done both. I have done both.
I have not written here from my heart for a while now. I've been hiding. Burned by what has happened in my world and feeling like there is no way to safely express it, I have stopped sharing anything. It's to the point now where I am stuck between the fear of being slammed for my feelings and thoughts and the desire to get beyond it all to the place of healing. I know that I need to be open in order to get to that place. I just wish there was a way to do it without using the word 'I'. Just try framing a complete sentence without the personal! It can't be done unless sentences are started with 'you' or 'they' or 'him' or 'her'. Then it all comes out as an accusation.
Blogging for me started as a way for me to show myself to my world. I was encouraged to express who I was, my thoughts, my feelings, the things that made me laugh and the things that made me cry. What moved me and what offended me. It was a way to connect to people in my own community and outside of it. Most often I have found acceptance. Sometimes not. There are not a lot of people who read my blog (and that's okay) but I have to evaluate the purpose of it if I am no longer using it to reach out to my world. If I can't be honest and open here any longer because of my own failings. I think that is where we start falling away from our community, when we stop being honest with each other. When we hide and say 'everthing is okay' and really it's not. When we are confronted and we deny the truth out of shame or guilt. Or blame someone else because we can't face the truth of our own sinfulness.
The truth is that I have a bit of a spiritual battle everytime I sit down to write and God has not been winning that battle inside me for too long now. I want to get back to the place where He has the ultimate say in whether I open up or whether I go back to the place of hiding.
and that's where I'm at.
6 comments:
I am glad that you have chosen to tell us where you are at.
One of the many things that I have always valued about your friendship is your honesty. Believe it or not you have it and I think that it is a very good thing. Some times I knew the answer you were going to give me and I knew it may sting but I could always rely on the fact that you would tell me the truth. You would tell me how it is.
Baby steps Sue. In all honesty it is like it is easier to hide. But it just hurts us more. I love and value your honesty. I hope this made sense...listen to me talk! sorry
and that's a good place to be....
thanks for sharing your heart with us.
I've found that honesty in relationships is what it really means to give my life away to others. Being vauge and oblique in conversation is always the msrker that I'm not giving my life to others. I cannot learn to give my life away. It is the revelation of Father's love for me that gives me the confident trust to give my life away.
Happy Birthday Sue!!
TAG!
I suppose that before we can be honest to others, we must be honest to ourselves and to God. This felt very much like that.
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