Had the most horrendous experience the other night of losing a son. While I was at work Dennis phoned me to ask if I had heard from Josh. Josh has been car pooling into Vancouver every day to attend a culinary arts program. He is usually home around 2pm. We had not heard from him by 9pm. We were both getting a little frantic. No sooner had Dennis called me when I saw a news short on TV. 'Two young men had died on the trans Canada when the car they were driving left the freeway and exploded into flames. ' I had to close myself in the office at work while I pleaded with God not to let it be my son. My fear was tremendous.
I called back Dennis to send him out to Josh's work place, hoping he would be there. They were not answering the phone at the conference center kitchen where he works. Dennis found him, working in the restaurant attached to the conference center. He called to let me know. I was so relieved. Then was over whelmed with sorrow for the two mothers who did lose their children in that crash.
It is selfish to believe that my life will not be touched by sorrow and hardship simply because I know the love of God. The reality is that I am not exempt from it. He may well have chosen my child that night. I thank God that He didn't but in those few moments of terror I felt what those women will feel for the rest of their lives.
We question God when awful things happen to us. Why? What makes us/me so special? I live in this sinful world along with every one else. Sorrow will touch my life. People will say and do things that hurt me and the ones I love. Accidents will happen. Someone I love will leave me...or be taken from me. How will I respond? I don't know. I hope I will make it through without bitterness, but I don't know for sure. I do know this; that God loves me. He loves my children. And He loves those two boys and their families. This world is not all there is. This world is so full of deceit and sin, and yet we expect God to make it all beautiful for us while we are here. It may sound cynical but I should stop being surprised at what happens here. I have to trust that God knows what He is doing. That He will see me through.
9 comments:
Wow what a terrifying moment that would have been. I feel bad for those mothers.
that's the exact reason i take prozac. i can't cope with the 'what if's' of losing the things god has given.
40 mgs. solves all the world's tragedys...
i'm REALLY glad your son was ok, sue.
heard someone once say, the question isn't really 'why me?'. maybe the question should be, 'why not me?'
c.s. lewis was once asked, "why do christians suffer?' he replied, "because they're the ones who can handle it".
interesting thought by C.S. Lewis Scott
yeah, i heard that guy say 'why not me', too. i turned him off.
Such a natural thing for a mother to fear for her child in this way. When my children were very young, my neighbor and friends' son went missing. It was about 5 degrees below freezing, 8 inches of snow everywhere and he had been missing for almost 3 hours when it was discovered he was not at our house, as thought. We searched the entire neighborhood. The police came and they brought the dogs. His Mom had been out, and it was the babysitter who phoned the police. This is what Mom came home to. I held her as she shook with fear, promising her that he would be fine. The worst part of those moments were the imaginings of "worst case scenerio". His parents were paralyzed with fear, clinging to his favorite stuffy.
It was a police officer and myself who found him. He had been climbing on a woodpile and it collapsed, burying him. He had been knocked unconscious, but was awakened by our voices calling him. Again, I held his mom, and held hands with Dad as the the officers carefully removed the wood. It was an agonizing 20 mins., standing there watching, unsure of what we would find.
Two and a half years later, that same little boy died in a house fire. As I sat with his Mom and Dad one day, she said to me that as horrible as it is now to have lost him, it is still not as horrible as those moments when he was missing that time in the snow, because she knew he was home now, and in the hands of God, and in the company of angels. There was no fear of "worst case scenario" anymore.
To this day, I can remember that day Brooks was missing in the cold. That most horrible fear of terrible things. I also remember the call about the fire. The time spent with his family afterwards. Watching my own children struggle to understand the loss of their best friend and my own sense of loss of someone who was like of my own kids. AND I will never forget Brooks' Moms words, "As bad as this is, it is still not as bad as when he didnt know, and all the horrible things I imagined."
Oh my gosh Shari-you made me cry!!
I have fears all the time, everytime Rod is late, everytime I hear sirens, everytime I see an accident on tv. Now it's worse because I can include all the fears about Payton. Everytime she's out of my site I worry. It's endless and can be debilitating if I let it. I have to give it God and know that regardless how careful I am it is God's will being done. Scary? Yes but it helps ease the fear a little. I try to always leave conversations with love because what if it's the last time I ever talk to them?? I love you is the last thing I want to say to them, a horriblr thought, but it's the truth for me!!
I'm SO glad Josh is Ok!!!
yup, the world is brutal...i really do look forward to the days when we're not touched by heartache anymore.
eternal safety, no fear, no threats...
I ALWAYS worry. If Phil is late and he is not answering his phone. If Michelle doesn't answer her phone or if she is late and when another friend of mine doesn't answer her phone or the emails. These things make me worry. Are they ok? Do they need me? Then I pray. I try not to worry but it is so hard. What can I do to help? How? Now what?
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