Good bye and Hello

I've had an emotional week, culminating today in taking a friend to the airport to fly to Costa Rica. She is going to be away for a year and I will miss her company. I've said goodbye to a lot of friends, sometimes feeling like I loose more friends than I keep. I feel like an emotional wreck. I'd resisted taking her but there did not seem to be anyone else who could. I told her it would be better for me if there was someone else along to hold me together. The problem is that I am not the kind of person to ask for help, I can readily give it but cannot ask for it when I need it myself. It works out okay for the most part because I usually get enough spiritual strength to do what God requires of me. There are very few people who I trust enough to let them see this very vulnerable side of me.
Last night late it seemed that the person I was depending on was not going to be there for me or for my friend. Of course they had no idea how important it was to me because I had not expressed it. I could not say 'I need you". Mostly because I am so afraid that after saying it their response would be that I was expecting too much of them. In the end things changed and he was able to come and distract me from my sadness. I'm so thankful I could cry when I got home and was not in some public place.
What a web we weave for our friends when we have a need that we cannot express, when we anticipate the disappointment and don't even give them the opportunity to minister to us. When we cannot be vulnerable with them. We set them up for a failure they have no idea is happening. Then we nurse a hurt that we set in motion. Just add another hurt to the pile I carry!
That's the problem I guess, with realtionships that have no expectations; what do I do when I need a brother or sister to guide me through the maze of my own emotions. Can I trust you to be there for me and not think me weak? To understand when I risk expressing the need that I have given away a piece of the puzzle that is me? And do you really want to know me that well?
I know that God would see me through if I was alone to face my trials. But what a lonely place to be, when I am surronded by people who will love me if I only give them the chance. There's a song sung by Seal that says;

Then the rainstorm came over me and I felt my spirit break.
I had lost all of my belief you see, and realized my mistake.
But time threw a prayer to me and all around me became still.

I need love, love's divine, please forgive me
now I see that I've been blind.
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name.
I don't bend, don't break.
give me love and promise me you won't forsake.
'Cause love can help me know my name.

Through the rainstorm came sanctuary and I felt my spirit fly.
I had found all of my reality and realized what it takes.
I need love...

Well I try to say there's nothing wrong
When inside I felt it was lying all along
But the message here is plain to see,
believe me.
'Cause I need love, love's divine.
Please forgive me , now I see that I've been blind.
I don't bend, don't break.
Give me love and promise me you won't forsake.
'Cause love can help me know my name.