This is what the LORD says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
"I am the LORD your God,
who teaches you what is best for you,
who directs you in the way you should go.
Isaiah 48:17
I'd given up, lost hope that I would ever have in this life my hearts desire. John Eldredge talks about it as sacrificing our hearts on the altar of getting by. I have not been happy for quite some time. I didn't recognize the danger of that until quite recently. I don't like the person that I am becoming as a result. 'Hope deferred makes the heart sick.' (Prov. 13:12)
To desire something and not to have it - is this not the source of nearly all our pain and sorrow?
A week ago I was priveleged to be able to go to a retreat on an island between the mainland and Vancouver Island. There was a moment, sitting on the balcony overlooking the sound that it was so quiet I could hear the rush of wind through the wings of the crow flying overhead. Eldredge says there are moments that we wish would last forever and moments that we wish had never begun. There have been too many of the latter in my life. Hearing the stillness and experiencing His presence there I knew I needed to change my life, to hope once again. I knew that only through Him could I get there.
Today in church Greg talked about how God may take us to a place that is uncomfortable for us in order to do His will in us. That His ways are often paradoxical to what we might imagine them to be. He may need to break us, in order that we may be built up again. Am I willing to be broken?
But God promises;
The ransomed of the LORD will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
and sorrow and sighing will flee away.
Isaiah 51:11
and,
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy,
He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him.
Psalms 126:
There is no dishonor in being broken. I've been surprised in how good God has been to me, providing me with my needs, sending support through unexpected places. I don't know how long this journey will be or where I will end up, but I do know now, without a doubt, that God is with me. Even in my brokeness. There is joy in the sorrow as I know that the sorrow is doing His work in me.
I can find hope in that.
2 comments:
not sure what to say. This post provides thought though.
HUGS
Even though I don't know what to say I am here to listen.
Sue, this didn’t tug at my heart, it grabbed it. God is using your words to speak directly to me. Its scary and good and makes me want to laugh and cry. I have been very stubborn with him lately, more than stubborn – I’ve been blatantly ignoring him and angry with him. I even dared him to try to speak to me, and now I am getting little bits and pieces every day. Thank you for sharing your heart here, because it helped mine. Especially the John Eldridge quote and the part that you said you don’t like the person you have become. I can relate to that about me.
I've been writing some of it here:
http://prodigaldaughter2.blogspot.com/
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