becoming a hero

Are you mad at me? he asked.

Up until that moment I was but just the fact that he would ask and really care that I may be was huge to me. I didn't realize how huge until I recognized that any anger I had felt was totally dissipated by his words and concern.

I told him no, I'm not mad at you. I told him the truth. I keep searching my heart for the anger that I had felt, but I can't find it. It has baffled me all week. Where did it go?

This is a man with a lot of pride but he was moved by the service and I had been too. Anger and love can reside in our hearts at the same time but I couldn't walk past him without acknowleging the love so I stopped to give him a hug. He accepted it and then stopped to ask me this question.

I had reason to be mad at him. He had already acknowleged that fact and apologized for it but my anger had lingered. I wondered at myself, why I was still harboring the feeling of distrust.

God had something more to show me.

There are very few heros in my world and I would be hard pressed to describe to you what my heros might look like. I know they are not perfect people. I know they are people that have failed in some sense of the word.

My life resonates with a theme of rejection and abandonment. I often ask God why and yet the theme continues.

This man with his five words became for me a hero. Pushing past his pride and through my anger he looked into my hurt and face to face addressed it. He could have walked away, having done his part toward reconciliation in his apology and, without knowing it, become another name on the list in my heart. It's a list I suppose we all carry, of those who have walked away instead of trying. For some reason addressing a hurt they may or may not have caused is worse than anything imaginable. I know they go for different reasons, sometimes fear, sometimes pride, sometimes it is just a change in their own life. Regardless of the reason I am left with the wound of insignificance. I was so insignificant to their life that they found it simpler to walk away.

This man became a hero when he refused to go another week, day, minute or second without knowing that there was no wound left between us. My healing was complete in response to his concern. I may never be able to tell him how much those few words made a difference for me.

I long for more heros in my life.