toiling or tilling? - you decide

I've been in the garden a lot lately, hiding really.
I'm alone there.
Onlooking is discouraged. You will be put to work. Offers of assistance are rare, one due to allergies and the others, well, laziness is their only excuse.
So I toil.
Alone.
Pulling weeds, (2 years of neglect), there's a lot of weeds.

I like to garden. It's reminiscent of being a little girl making mud pies and cookies that would bake all day in the heat only to be smashed the next day, to be remade into something else.

My head is down and the sun is on me.
I'm focused on pulling out the weeds.
Alone.
I spend a lot of time thinking while I'm pulling. It's good to be moving. And the physical ache is soothing, in some weird way, to the emotional ache inside.
Pulling, bending, the sun on my shoulders and head.
We've lived in this home for 14 years. I know every inch of the soil in this garden.
I know the successes. And the failures.
On occasion my work has been undone through carelessness, or the need to remodel a deck. Or a tree falls.
It's okay, I like the work.
Pulling and digging.
Moving some things or planting new.

I've been married for 20 years and my marriage is like my garden.
Pulling weeds, digging, moving plants around. Hoping for something beautiful through hard work and perseverence.
There are times when I can do the work alone. Others when I need help.
My husband is very different from me, he doesn't enjoy getting his hands in the dirt. He doesn't have the vision, and needs a strong blueprint but he excels at building things that will outlast ourselves.
And when I call him out to help me with a job that requires brute strength as opposed to stubborness, he is right there.
If I can communicate clearly with him what I need he is willing to comply.
Eyes watering, sneezing, but amazing in his strength. (I wish I were half as strong.)
We speak a different language at times.
I am patient, and he is reliable and steadfast.
20 years.

There are times when I would like to walk away from the my garden. I resent working alone, or having to ask for help. I really hate it that he is able to do some things faster than me because he is just stronger. At times another garden looks nicer. And it would be great to make a fresh start. In a place that another person has already planted. Then all I would have to do is water and enjoy.
sigh
Pulling weeds, bending, moving.
I know every inch of the soil in this garden.
I work toward something of beauty.
It will come.
I know the foundations of this yard are strong. Right now the soil is bare, but the seeds are planted. The rain is doing it's work, making the roots go down deep. The sun is hot on my shoulders and a breeze whispers across them. Cooling and reminding me to lift my head now and then, so that I can see my progress.

Sometimes I work alone.
If I call for help, it will come.