I like having time to myself. As much as I like people having a house with no one else in it is rare. There's always someone around. It used to be that I didn't like to be on my own. I'm the youngest of five, there was always another person around. When Dennis is away or working, friends say, 'Come on over so you don't have to be alone.' Not too likely. I'm going to enjoy the time to myself, no one to distract me or demand attention. Joshs' schedule is all over the map, coming and going at the oddest times, it is constantly changing. While Joels' is more consistent he still decides whether he goes to school that day or not. (He has trouble with migraines). When the kids were younger it was not unusual for me to take them and go camping on our own, or to visit relatives. I envy that time now, that Dennis had to be in the house on his own. No spouse, no kids.

I go through phases where I talk about getting away, well, running away to be exact. Truth is that I think about it all the time. My obsession has become the pursuit of time to myself. I like my own company. I work well on my own. I like to be able to pray out loud without someone thinking I am talking to them. Or cry without anyone knowing. Wondering if I'll be okay. Yes, I'll be okay, I just need to let this out!

I think I crave it so much because of my hunger to hear His voice. I'm sure that is why He speaks to me so much in my dreams, it's the only time that I am quiet and have no distractions. That I am not so busy. I am thirsty, and like the sheep I need the still waters to drink. My deepest desire is for more of Him, more of His spirit, more of His truth. I am greedy with the need for it. Wanting to drink, deeply.