Thoughts on 'the golden-haired woman'.

As some of you may know we have been reading a lot of John and Stacey Eldridge lately. The bowwows are currently going through "Wild at Heart." Trying to understand these men in our lives and what makes them react the way they do. Eldridge says that men are drawn to a woman he calls 'the golden-haired woman.'

He will pursue her, not to offer his strength but to drink from her beauty, to be affirmed by her and feel like a man. They will share deep intimate conversations. But he will not commit; he is unable to commit.

The problem, he says, is that the man is going to the woman for validation, instead of to God. Every man asks himself the question, 'Do I have what it takes?' It is a question that only God can answer, but many men choose to have a woman answer their question. As he looks around his world he sees her and recognizes in her the beauty of God, the pinnacle of His creation. He reaches out to her to replace the deep need for God that was broken with the fall. 'What is the ache that he is trying to assuage with her? Mercy, comfort, beauty, ecstasy - in a word, God.'
So what is the woman's question, the one that she tries to have answered in a man? 'Am I beautiful? Am I worthy?' We end seeking men to answer our question. So you can see how we play into each others needs and weaknesses.

Too often, in my life, I have become the 'golden-haired woman' for the men I care about. It is a task that I find overwhelming for the simple reason that I was not created to be that person to any one. It has left me more wounded than it has benefited me. Maybe it is because I was created to be a support for my husband, or maybe it is a spiritual gift, (I don't know) but I am able to give encouragement and support to most people in my life. Although I do have bad days when I wish everyone would just piss off, it is not my nature to be mean or push anyone away. So when I fail at that, because I was not meant to be that to everyone, it makes me feel like I have not only failed my friend, but leaves me feeling unworthy and ugly.
What a circle of deceit! No one wins in it.
I had talked with a friend recently about the whole relationship thing between men and woman and I said, at the time, that there is something that God wants us to learn from each other. As men and women, something that He could not explain by making us the same but only by the differences that are between us. I haven't come to a clear understanding of it yet but this is what I know so far. That when God made us in His image He wanted us to reflect the deep desire that He has for us. He created us with a need. For Him. We try to meet that need in each other but fail until we find the need filled in Him first. Only then can He open up the door of His heart to share us/me with someone else. He is not a God of two but a God of three. He is a God of community, and He delights in the sharing that we have with each other. But He also recognizes that it is only in right relationship with Him that I can have a righteous relationship with my brothers, whoever they may be.