forgiveness

I have been learning about forgiveness. What it is and what it isn't.
It's easy enough to forgive someone for stepping on your foot while standing in a line. 'S'no problem. I'm fine.' The pain if there is any goes away quickly.
A little harder to forgive the person who cuts you off in traffic. The adrenaline necessary for a quick response to avoid an accident slows down our ability to overlook things.
More still to forgive a parent for mistakes made while raising us. Then the hurt is a little deeper, but because we are adults now and are responsible for our own choices we find a way to get beyond the past and become seperate from the mistakes.
Especially difficult to forgive though, is a friend. They are the people that we expect to know us so well and love us so much that to hurt us would be an impossibility. In fact the reverse is true. Our friends are the ones that hurt us the most. That hurt is a betrayal that runs deeper than any other and somehow 'S'all right, I'm fine' or 'no problem' is just not as easy a response. We could say if you are my friend that you would never hurt me but that would be naive considering how fallable we are. The expectation is too high, to believe that I will never hurt my friends and that they will never hurt me is really the impossibity.
To forgive a friend is to understand Christ's forgiveness for us.
We have to reach deeper inside ourselves to a place of understanding. To a place where Christ resides, to the throne of his mercy and grace. To a heart, our heart, where He has imprinted his love and his image in place of our own. He asks us to forgive to model that image in our lives. To who would I more want to model Christ than to my friends.
He forgives me all things. So i must follow that example and forgive all things as well. Not to say it is okay what you did but I will not hang on to the hurt and the bitterness as a choice. I will let go. In doing so I learn more about Christ and his love than I would were I to hang on to my pain.
I am not a person who has trouble saying 'I'm sorry' because I hate hurting anyone. (co-dependencey I am sure) I have learned to examine my own heart deeply and hold myself accountable for my actions. I have swallowed pride so many times that it has become a flavor, although not one of my favorite flavors. When anyone comes to me for forgiveness I give it. To hold back forgiveness is ego-centricity at it's best. It denies Christ's presence in my heart. It closes a door instead of opening one.
There are those who will not forgive me for hurts that I have caused. Do I respond and say 'Well then I don't forgive you.'? Of course not, it's childish and offensive to even think that way. My walk with Christ is my own. I am accountable to Him before all others. When I look in the mirror of my heart I want to see Him reflected back, not the image of the person from whom I am withholding my forgiveness.
My friends may make choices in their lives that hurt me. Sometimes without even knowing that they have done so. I have the choice to forgive, and I must take it. Even when the courtesy of forgiveness is not offered back to me for the hurts that I have caused. I still am compelled to forgive. How many times do I give it? More times than can be counted, is what Jesus said. So many times that I loose count. The door for me must never be closed. To do so would be to close the door to Christ.

I am human, and I fail. I make mistakes all the time, they are deep hurts in your heart and I am sorry. I am sorry for it all, I wish that I could undo it but I can't, I can only try to be better for the future. I know that this won't be the last time I say sorry, and I hope that you won't consider that a fault in my character but a strength of Christ's character in me instead.
If you are unable to say sorry to me I won't hold back my forgiveness from you. You will always have it. That door will not be closed.