Acceptance

God gave me a vision, a dream, a couple of years ago when we opened our church office downtown. It is a big open space with two big garage doors that open up to the parking lot which is enclosed on two sides by the buildings on either side of us. It makes it kind of a sheltered spot. (We have been doing street church there for a while now.)

The vision I had/have is to create a cafe/community/meeting place that would be open to the public. A business within our ministry. A place where people could come and just hang out together, do community. There would be coffee and snacks available, maybe soup or lunch. There would be plenty of couches and easy chairs so we could encourage people to stay and visit. We could host special interest groups, like teen challenge or ministry opportunities, to come and give out information in a relaxed atmosphere. I wanted the place to vibrate with the sound of worship. Most of all though there would be community, an opportunity to minister to the loneliness that most people have. That was what stirred me.

This morning the Purpose Driven Life Devotional that I receive daily spoke of a couple in Seattle who left their pastorate to do just that. Run a coffee house called 'Service Station'. An old friend of mine is starting a similar ministry/business in Abbotsford across the river, and I have to admit it is really difficult for me to see it happening while I wait for my dream to come to fruition. It is not that I don't wish them well, I do, in fact I pray for it everyday.

For years now I have been faithful to the call of Christ in my life. Faithful to God, to my husband, to my kids, to my church. I have made sacrifices, friendships in particular, to remain faithful. I have supported others in their vision, and really enjoyed doing it. I am amazed at what God has done, what He has made here in Mission, out of the dream that we had back then. I have never been one to stand in the spotlight, always been content to let someone else have that role, while I worked quietly in the background. I have prayed relentlessly, (like a nag sometimes!) for others, encouraging and pushing them toward greater relationship with God and others. In the background of my heart was always this hope that God would come through on that vision that He gave me. I was told to wait and so I did.

I feel myself at a crossroad now though. Like I am being tested. I have to admit that I am angry with God. Jealous that someone else will get to live out the vision that I had. That in spite of all the sacrifices that I made I will not get to do it. I ask myself where I went wrong, what I did or didn't do that I should have. Could I have been more faithful? Should I have compromised?

I know that in the end I will just have to accept and step aside from the hurt and anger. That God gives and He takes away as He sees fit. That I will continue to wait and hope in that dream.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.